could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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