Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
