I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
