I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
