He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize