you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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