i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
