I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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