Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
