shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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