I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
