Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
