Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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