he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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