i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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