was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
