i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
