hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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