worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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