just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
