1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
