your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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