apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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