Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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