What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
