I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
