I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
