yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
