my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
