id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
