ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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