dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
