i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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