we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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