There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
