the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i barfeds in our rink
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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