This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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