it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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