I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
