He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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