Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
