so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
