We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
