I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
