I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I will pee on everything he values.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
