Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
