K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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