if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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