last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
