he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
