so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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