Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Green mimosas i think yes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
