My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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