I love having hate sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
