then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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