His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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