It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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