Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
