mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
