Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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