Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
