so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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