Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
