Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
