i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize