That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
