he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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