btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize