After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
