call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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