So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
