If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
