i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
