I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
