just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
