Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize