worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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