just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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