You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
